Physical Abuse Policy and Procedure 2012

Posted on February 6th, 2012 by Canyon Hills Leadership

If you are physically assaulted, restrained, thrown out or physically threatened, call 911 and report domestic violence first.  Then call Canyon Hills Community Church at (425) 488-4121 and ask to speak to the Pastor on Call.

The purpose of this article is designed to let you, the reader, know how Canyon Hills views and handles physical abuse, and why a biblical treatment of physical abuse is far more hopeful than simply seeking a divorce.

For the purposes of this article, physical abuse is defined as: abuse involving contact intended to cause feelings of intimidation, injury, or other physical suffering and/or bodily harm.  This abuse can happen to anyone but is most commonly expressed toward women and children.  Canyon Hills realizes that there are other forms of sinful and destructive behavior within a marriage such as (verbal intimidation, emotional, financial or other forms of manipulation, pornography use, adultery, or any other form of sexual sin); however, this article is going to speak strictly to physical abuse as defined above.

Accusation:

Whenever there is an accusation of physical abuse that is brought to the attention of anyone in leadership at Canyon Hills, our first duty is to seek out the truth.  Proverbs 18:13,15,17 instruct us to be wise in our counseling and fact gathering.  We must ask probing and appropriate questions, listen to as many sides of the story as possibly, as well as to withhold judgment until all the information has been gathered.  These three guiding verses most often keep the guilty from being ignored and the innocent from being falsely accused.

If the charges brought against someone prove to be true, then we proceed as follows:

Attitude:

In almost every case of physical abuse, the overwhelming emotion that seeks to overtake the person being abused is fear.  In response to this emotion, the tendency is either to retaliate, to fight back, or to flee the first chance they get.  In most cases of abuse, the option of retaliating and or fighting back was met with more physical violence. The option of fleeing often feels like the only option left. 

The very first thing we do in order to minister to those who have suffered physical abuse is to remind them of three important truths: (1) God is Sovereign, (2) He has given His Word which is sufficient to deal with this issue, (3)He has given the body of Christ which is to surround the abused person so that they do not have to walk through this trial alone.  We encourage the abused to remain faithful to the Sovereign God who is in control of this situation, to remain faithful to the Word of God which will provide them with guidance for each step of the way, and to remain faithful to the body of Christ whom God supplies for their protection and counsel.  If they do all of these things, we believe that one of two things will happen: (1) God will deal with the abuser and he will leave on his own, or (2) God will deal with the abuser and he will repent of his sin, thus becoming the spouse he was meant to be.  Either way, the one being abused will not have to deal with the agonizing decision of whether or not to remain married and stay faithful to the vows that that they made before God and others, (See more on this subject under the section entitled "The Abuser is No Longer in Control"). God has instructed us in such a way that He will provide the right amount of pressure so that the way forward is made clear.

The attitude then is an attitude of submission and trust on the part of the abused in God, His Word, and the authority of His Church.

Action:

For the Abused:
Step 1 - Safety

We encourage the safety of the abused (this would be spouse and children) at all costs.  This means assisting the abused to find a temporary safe place to stay.  This might include staying with family members, finding a hotel room, and in some instances staying at a shelter.  All of these are meant to be brief and not extended.  The intention of keeping this brief is so that the abused can, if at all possible, return home and some form of normalcy can resume in the lives of those who are affected by the abuser.

Step 2 - Trust

The next step is for a formal report to be made to the authorities if not previously reported.  There are many times where the abused do not want to take this step due to the love they have for the one abusing them, the fear they have of the one abusing, or a combination of the two.  In cases like this, the one being abused is taken through Romans 13:1-4 in order to understand that God has set up the authorities to act on His behalf in situations such as this.  This report is necessary in order to love the abuser as the Bible commands Christians to do as well as protect those who are being abused.

Due to the chaos of the situation, the overwhelming flood of emotions connected with abuse, as well as fear of the unknown, Canyon Hills seeks to walk alongside the abused through this process as much as possible.  This would include being present with the abused as the report is made, being the voice for the abused if needed and permission is given, as well as any other support that might be necessary. This may also include being present at court dates or filing police reports.

Step 3 - Standing By

After safety has been established and the report has been made, the abused are then taken care of through the counseling department.  It is vital that those who have been abused respond to the abuse through the lens of Scripture.  This often involves dealing with difficult questions such as:
* Where was God while the abuse was happening?
* Why did God allow this person into my life?
* Is the abuse my fault and am I guilty of any kind of sin in this?
* What will happen to me if my spouse divorces me?
* How will I pay the bills and make sure my kids are taken care of?
* Do I have to get a divorce now?
* Do I have to remain married?
* Will my spouse ever change?
* How can I ever love him again?

These questions and many more, if left unanswered by the sufficient Word of God, often cause more confusion, chaos and fear in the lives of those who are abused.  Because of this, we consider counseling as a necessary part of healing and reconciliation.

Responding to the Abuser:

The Christian Abuser

The scope of this article does not lend itself to the discussion as to whether or not an abuser can really be a Christian. For arguments sake, we are going to address the abuser who calls himself a follower of Jesus Christ and has a sinful habit of physically harming those around him. For those married and abused by an unbeliever, the same protection is offered by the church. The approach to the unbeliever differs somewhat and is handled on a case-by-case basis based on the abusers receptivity to the Gospel.

There are three things that we seek to convey to the one who is the abuser: (1) How God views what he’s been doing, (2) The abuser is no longer the one in control, and (3) Hope that he can change if he is willing to repent.

God's View of the Abuser and His Abuse:

One of the main things that we seek to convey to the abuser is the truth about how God views the sin of abuse.  Conveying this to the abuser means that first and foremost he understand that God has been present every single time he has intimidated with his words, every time he has threatened with fist, and every time he hurt one of God's children.  The omnipresence of God demands that we believe that God is there in the moment when the abuse is taking place.  The mere fact that God does not pour out His full wrath on the abuser in that moment means that God's grace and mercy was overflowing at that moment. 

Additionally we seek to explain that God is all powerful over the abuser.  We seek to remind the abuser that at any moment God could call his heart to stop beating.  In that instant, He would stand in the presence of the One who has the ability to cast the soul into eternal hell.  The power that God has in every single word that proceeds from His mouth should evoke fear in the One who claims to have a relationship with Him.

Finally, we seek to remind the believing abuser that God has all knowledge of what needs to happen and what will happen.  This means that there is nothing that the abuser can do to thwart the plans of God.  What God wants to have happen will in fact happen and no amount of manipulation, intimidation, or destruction on the abusers part will cause God to turn away from His plans.

The Abuser is No Longer in Control

Another reminder for the abuser is that he is no longer controlling the situation.  His actions have been brought into the light and will be dealt with according to God's Word and the laws of man. We work hard at explaining how this is good and not bad, even in situations where the civil authorities have been called and the abuser is in jail.  It is at this point that we walk through the steps of Church Discipline with the abuser and inform him that he is in danger of being removed from the loving and merciful membership of the church and will be treated as an unrepentant unbeliever (Matthew 18:17).  In explaining Matthew 18:15-21, we show the abuser that he must no longer abuse those who are in his care, and we also require that he submit to the authority of the church and do all that the church asks him to do with a spirit of humility and cooperation.

Hope for the Abuser:

As with any sin, Canyon Hills wants to uphold the power of God to change the heart of all who are willing to surrender to Him. We recognize that that pathway out of abuse is not an easy path, but then again, that is true of any habitual sin.  Hope starts with the repentance process of: contemplation, confession, and change.  This is a process that we work through with the abuser when he expresses a willingness to change and submit to church leadership.  This does not mean that he instantly gets to move back home and life returns to what it formerly was.  Authentic change and restoring trust take both time and commitment. Canyon Hills is committed to walk alongside the couple until both are firmly established. 

The hope that we hold out to the abuser is a hope which originates and emanates from God. He is faithful to continue to transform the abuser more and more into the image of Christ as he cooperates with the sanctifying work of the Holy Spirit.  This man says, "What else can I do to look more like Christ," instead of, "What else do I have to do to get my family back."

When someone is changed because of this hope, everyone around him can see the change.  He is no longer worried about do's and don'ts, timelines, and the absence of his family.  He will understand that the restoration of broken relationships is in God's Sovereign control. 

While this article is not meant to cover every nuance that comes with each individual case of physical abuse, it does give our basic overview of how we handle physical abuse when it is uncovered at Canyon Hills Community Church.   

[For additional help, CCEF has produced a book entitled “Domestic Abuse: How to Help” and can be purchased at www.newgrowthpress.com.]

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